What Is a Bate Mate? A Straightforward Guide to Finding One and the Etiquette That Matters

A bate mate — also called a bate buddy, JO buddy or wank buddy — is a man you bate with. That can mean side by side in person, on camera, or simply as part of a group of mates who share the interest and talk about it openly. It is one of the oldest forms of male bonding there is, and for a lot of men it sits comfortably alongside friendship rather than replacing it.

Bate mates come from every orientation. Gay, bi, curious and straight-identifying men all do it, and for many it is explicitly not about sex with another man — it is about company, shared enthusiasm and the lack of pressure that comes with it.

How men find bate mates

Historically: friends, word of mouth, forums and classifieds. Today it is mostly apps, and the choice of app matters. General hookup grids bury the intent, so you spend your time explaining yourself. Apps built around bating — B8Mates being the obvious example — put it on the profile: solo, mutual or group; host or travel; available now, today or this week. You skip the guessing and go straight to men who want the same thing.

Events and Tribes widen the circle. A Tribe for edging, gooning or group sessions gives you a feed and regular meets with men who already share your scene. A hosted bate event lets you register interest, be approved by the host, and join a group chat with the other attendees before anyone turns up.

The etiquette that keeps it good

Consent is the whole game. Agree what the session is before it starts — mutual or hands-off, clothed or not, cameras or no cameras — and respect a no without debate. “Just bating” means exactly that unless both of you say otherwise.

Discretion is non-negotiable. What happens in a session, and who was there, stays there. Never share photos or chat without permission; on B8Mates, photos shared in chat can be revoked by the sender for exactly this reason.

Be straight about hosting. If you host, say what the setup is (privacy, parking, who else is home). If you travel, turn up on time and leave when it is over. Hosts on B8Mates can keep the exact address hidden until they have accepted someone.

Hygiene and basics. Shower, bring what you need, and do not assume anything is shared. It is the same courtesy you would extend to any mate visiting your place.

Keep it drama-free. A good bate mate is reliable, respectful and low-maintenance. Cancel properly if you have to, do not ghost, and do not push for more than was agreed.

Why regulars beat randoms

Most experienced bators end up with a small circle of regulars rather than a stream of strangers. Regulars are safer, more relaxed, and far more fun — and they are often mates in the ordinary sense too: the bloke you bate with on Saturday is the same one you text about the footy on Sunday. That is the order B8Mates is built around — real mates first, with bating as one of the things mates do together rather than the whole point — and friendship tiers like M8s and Close M8s make it easy to keep that circle organised and private.

If you want to track the habit as well as the mateship, Nut Streak in B8Mates lets you log sessions, chase weekly and monthly goals, and compare with your mates on a private leaderboard.